1
00:00:00,020 --> 00:00:04,000


2
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:42,730
Oh, Inga.

3
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,840
Inga!

4
00:00:45,940 --> 00:00:47,980
Inga!!

5
00:00:48,330 --> 00:00:50,060
Bud, wake up!

6
00:00:50,610 --> 00:00:51,670
Huhm?

7
00:00:51,670 --> 00:00:53,260
Who's Inga?

8
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:54,820
Just someone I met

9
00:00:54,820 --> 00:00:58,050
at a party thrown by
a giraffe called Gerald.

10
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,290
She wanted me to fly
with her to Paris,

11
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:03,020
but she had a wooden head
and was afraid of forks.

12
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,000
There's no future in it.

13
00:01:05,950 --> 00:01:08,730
According to Freud's
lexicon of dream symbols,

14
00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,260
flying is supposed to be
a metaphor for sex.

15
00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:13,180
Absolute poppycock.

16
00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,630
I dream of
flying all the time!

17
00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:19,980
It's certainly nothing
to do with sex.

18
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,150
It's always the same dream.

19
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:25,620
I'm in a Boeing 727
that can't take off.

20
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,900
I'm sitting there with a tiny
bag of nuts I can't get open.

21
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,660
Then suddenly,

22
00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,320
after one giant tug,

23
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,050
and much to
my embarrassment,

24
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:41,860
the whole bag explodes
over premium economy.

25
00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:44,710
Now tell me -

26
00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:45,860
because I don't see it -

27
00:01:45,860 --> 00:01:49,110
how on Earth is that
anything to do with sex?

28
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,200
Sirs, I'm picking
up something

29
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,100
from the other side
of that asteroid field.

30
00:01:56,110 --> 00:01:57,940
It's a deep-space
explorer ship,

31
00:01:57,940 --> 00:02:00,140
and it's in BIG trouble!

32
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,050
Getting anythin'?

33
00:02:51,050 --> 00:02:52,060
The signal's weak.

34
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:53,240
The magnetite
in the asteroids is

35
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,380
distorting everything
in the local vicinity.

36
00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:56,990
Try dropping frequencies.

37
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,880
See if we can
circumnavigate the storm.

38
00:02:58,880 --> 00:02:59,950
Try dropping frequencies?

39
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,590
See if we can
circumnavigate the storm?

40
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:03,260
What are you talking about?!

41
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,020
Ah.
It worked, Sir!

42
00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:07,910
Good call.

43
00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:10,550
Ident details coming in.

44
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,520
It's a Space Corps
deep-space scout ship

45
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,190
gravity antimatter
propulsion engine

46
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,080
state-of-the-art tech-

47
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:16,950
it's even got one of those
big captainy chairs

48
00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:19,090
with flip-across picnic tray.

49
00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:20,670
I'd kill for one of those.

50
00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:22,910
You could captain your way
through a space battle

51
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,930
and have a TV dinner
at the same time.

52
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:26,440
Through?

53
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,050
Coming through now, Sir.

54
00:03:28,050 --> 00:03:29,670
According to their manifest,

55
00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:31,060
the crew total is

56
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,730
half.

57
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,230
Half what?

58
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,640
I don't know, Sir.

59
00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:05,640
Hey!

60
00:04:05,860 --> 00:04:08,660
Now it's saying the
total crew is one!

61
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:10,150
What the hell
is going on?

62
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,510
Ah.
Best guess:

63
00:04:11,510 --> 00:04:13,660
The Nautilus is
bio-printing its crew;

64
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:16,070
which was fashionable
in the 24th century,

65
00:04:16,070 --> 00:04:18,290
where unmanned ships
were sent into space

66
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,010
and only after
they encountered

67
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,870
a point of interest,
need, or danger

68
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,270
were the crew best
suited for the mission

69
00:04:23,270 --> 00:04:25,730
printed from the
bio library.

70
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:27,610
These dudes are
going to be human, right?

71
00:04:27,610 --> 00:04:29,040
Human-like.

72
00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,680
They're created from
synthetic stem cells.

73
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,340
But like many movie stars,

74
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:36,790
they'll be incapable of having
children in the normal way.

75
00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:38,410
Also, their lifespan

76
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,520
will only last the length
of their mission.

77
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,520
In this case,
save the Nautilus.

78
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,540
Okay, okay.

79
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,580
We've got pictures
coming through.

80
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,090
This is Captain Edwin Herring
of the SS Nautilus.

81
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,430
Can you read me, over?

82
00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:52,510
Copy, Nautilus.

83
00:04:52,510 --> 00:04:54,640
But there's something wrong
with our video feed.

84
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,100
From our end,
you look like a hideous

85
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,220
19th century circus freak.

86
00:04:58,870 --> 00:04:59,690
Bud!

87
00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:02,830
You look like you're wearing
a toupee made of face!

88
00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:05,730
Yeah - one look at you
and even the Elephant Man

89
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,080
would want to jump
in his mum and dad's bed!

90
00:05:08,190 --> 00:05:10,590
Our bio-printer jammed.
It's faulty.

91
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:12,850
My face has been printed
on the top of my head.

92
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:13,710
Any advice?

93
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:14,560
Yeah.

94
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:15,890
Don't wear a hat!

95
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:17,660
What's my situation?

96
00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:19,460
Obviously, it's difficult to see.

97
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:21,870
It appears Sir,
your engines are burnt out.

98
00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,800
And you're drifting
into the heart

99
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,820
of a Class C
asteroid storm.

100
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:27,490
I'm carrying veranium.

101
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,920
If the storm penetrates
my hull I'm done for,

102
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,880
and so is everything
in the local vicinity.

103
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,030
Can you help?

104
00:05:33,030 --> 00:05:36,010
Our two ships are separated
by the asteroid storm.

105
00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:37,640
We'll never get
'round it in time.

106
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:38,650
Are you sure?

107
00:05:38,650 --> 00:05:39,680
Of course we're sure.

108
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,110
It's as plain as
the nose on your head.

109
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,530
What about your
escape pods?

110
00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:45,670
Maybe use
one of those?

111
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,540
Too late.
They've escaped.

112
00:05:47,540 --> 00:05:48,590
That's what happens
when we put machines

113
00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:49,620
on artificial intelligence-

114
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:50,960
They just look after
number one.

115
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:52,980
Perhaps you should print
some more of your crew, Sir.

116
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:53,990
Get assistance.

117
00:05:53,990 --> 00:05:57,140
I've just told you my bio-printer's
faulty, you cretin!

118
00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:59,460
My visuals are down-
What's your name crewman!?

119
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,330
Dave Lister, Sir.

120
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:04,150
Don't speak again Lister.
Understand?

121
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:04,930
Yes, Sir.

122
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:06,830
I'm done for,
aren't I?

123
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:09,150
Sirs, intel coming in.

124
00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:10,460
It's much as I figured.

125
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,090
The nearer the
Nautilus gets to us,

126
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:14,290
the more we, ourselves,
are in danger.

127
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:15,660
How'd you make
that one out?

128
00:06:15,660 --> 00:06:18,330
If the Nautilus is destroyed
in its present position,

129
00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:19,360
we're safe.

130
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,650
But when the Nautilus
enters the asteroid storm,

131
00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:22,930
The veranium goes up

132
00:06:22,930 --> 00:06:25,590
and the blast radius
nukes us, too.

133
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,120
We've only got
one option.

134
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,140
He just launched a
mining torpedo at him!

135
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:37,670
It's too late
to intercept!

136
00:06:37,670 --> 00:06:39,150
Rimmer, what have you done?!

137
00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,280
I've just saved
all our necks.

138
00:06:40,290 --> 00:06:41,130
That's what I've done.

139
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:42,210
It was the only option.

140
00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:44,040
Impact one minute
and counting.

141
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:44,940
You've got to tell him.

142
00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:46,770
You've got to tell Herring
what you've done!

143
00:06:46,770 --> 00:06:48,570
What? Tell him I've
just nuked his ship?

144
00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:49,340
I'm not telling him that.

145
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,400
Why not?!

146
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,640
He won't like me.

147
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,330
I've been hit!!

148
00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:05,520
I'm spinning out!!

149
00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:10,340
That was the most

150
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:12,420
insanely, brilliant, ballsiest

151
00:07:12,420 --> 00:07:15,000
tactical maneuver
I've ever witnessed!!

152
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,970
Who fired that missile?!

153
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,640
Me, Sir.
Arnold J. Rimmer.

154
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,550
You mean you
took off my wing

155
00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:25,360
knowing it would knock me
out of the asteroid storm?

156
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,120
That's genius, Rimmer!

157
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,010
They don't call me
"Old Iron Balls" for nothing, Sir.

158
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,740
I owe you my life, man!

159
00:07:34,140 --> 00:07:35,380
What's your rank?

160
00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:36,720
Second Tech, Sir.

161
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:38,250
Not any longer.

162
00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:40,230
I'm promoting you

163
00:07:40,230 --> 00:07:42,370
to officer, Rimmer!

164
00:07:43,170 --> 00:07:45,560
I'll send the authorization
through now.

165
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:47,720
I look forward
to meeting you.

166
00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:50,870
We'll head back to Red Dwarf Sir,
and then pick you up.

167
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,550
Officer Rimmer.

168
00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:55,260
After all these years!

169
00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:56,900
Oh, yes!

170
00:07:57,650 --> 00:08:00,090
You are genuine, pedigree,

171
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,590
thoroughbred scum,
aren't you Rimmer.

172
00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:05,740
That's Officer Rimmer to you,
Private Nothing!

173
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:20,220
To do:
Ramscoop MOT

174
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,830
We're just eight hours from
Captain Herring's ship, Sir.

175
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:27,720
I also have the paperwork
confirming your promotion.

176
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:32,080
According to Protocol 712,
there'll need to be an accolade

177
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,240
so that you can be officially
accredited as an officer.

178
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:37,570
Mmmm,
Simple affair, Kryten.

179
00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:39,800
I don't want anything
too special.

180
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,870
We'll have it in the
Hall of Heroes.

181
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,680
Champagne,
canapes.

182
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,400
Maybe a very quick
six-guns salute.

183
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,300
Let's not get carried away.

184
00:08:48,430 --> 00:08:50,980
And then perhaps
a short tribute - to me.

185
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,000
No more than an hour.

186
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,120
And then I'll outline
my plans

187
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,040
to open a new officers' club
on D deck.

188
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,840
A new officers' club, Sir?

189
00:09:00,150 --> 00:09:02,920
Somewhere with an atmosphere
of understated luxury

190
00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:05,390
where officers can unwind
in their precious hours

191
00:09:05,390 --> 00:09:07,670
away from the
grind of command.

192
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:08,510
Oh.

193
00:09:08,530 --> 00:09:09,580
So basically, Sir,

194
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,830
you're instigating
a class system.

195
00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:13,550
The "haves" me,

196
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,560
The "have-nots" you lot.

197
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:17,650
One question, Sir.

198
00:09:17,650 --> 00:09:19,780
The fact that you've been
awarded officer-hood

199
00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:21,660
by an act of
gross deception -

200
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:24,070
does that in any way
take the sheen off it?

201
00:09:24,070 --> 00:09:25,470
Not really.
No.

202
00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:27,780
It's about getting there, Kryten.

203
00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:29,500
Not how you get there.

204
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,370
I made love to a
beautiful woman

205
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:32,990
in her apartment
last night.

206
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:33,940
That's important.

207
00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,600
How did you get there,
bike or bus -

208
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:36,700
Not important.

209
00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:46,780
Zero G Sports.
Where is it?

210
00:09:47,150 --> 00:09:49,830
We were up to match day 4.
Where is it gone?!

211
00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:53,520
Zero G Sports is an
officer only channel?!

212
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:57,380
Has Rimmer been smegging around
with our TV package?!

213
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,300
We've only got the
lame stations!

214
00:10:00,030 --> 00:10:02,910
Look at it:
24 Hour Knitting channel?!

215
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,270
The Hat channel?!

216
00:10:05,490 --> 00:10:07,340
Amish MTV!

217
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,830
We haven't got the totally,
unnecessarily

218
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:12,130
massive, repeat sports
package anymore!

219
00:10:12,140 --> 00:10:13,030
Look at this!

220
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,520
Seven ID Seven,
Premier League Croquet

221
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,930
Eastbourne Ladies vs
Gloucester Girls.

222
00:10:17,930 --> 00:10:19,650
It's a grudge match!

223
00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:21,710
Gosh!

224
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,930
It's not too bad.
Hot dog?

225
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:28,610
Attention,
attention.

226
00:10:28,610 --> 00:10:30,160
Officer Rimmer here.

227
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,170
We'll shortly be
approaching SS Nautilus

228
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:34,010
to welcome
Captain Herring.

229
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,460
Would all lower orders

230
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,760
please make their way
to B deck.

231
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,290
What the smeg's this?!

232
00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:44,670
Why has the
old service lift

233
00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:46,380
been turned to
the grunts lift?

234
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:47,830
So the rank and file

235
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:50,170
can travel between floors
with their own kind.

236
00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:52,090
Meantime, you use
the officers' lift

237
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:53,900
which we can't use
on account of the fact

238
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,480
that we're not "officery."

239
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:58,280
It's one of the privileges
of rank, Third Technician.

240
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:04,040
Gentlemen,

241
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,140
I bid you a
temporary farewell.

242
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,150
A towel, Sir.

243
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,680
Ah, thank you.

244
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,010
Facial mist for you, Sir.

245
00:11:19,730 --> 00:11:20,830
Lovely.

246
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,430
Complimentary executive
beverage for you, Sir.

247
00:11:26,660 --> 00:11:27,760
Most kind.

248
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,200
That'll be all.

249
00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,110
Go along.

250
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:47,680
Floor?

251
00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:49,510
Floor?

252
00:11:49,530 --> 00:11:50,970
I said "floor."

253
00:11:50,970 --> 00:11:52,010
Landing Bay, please.

254
00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:52,910
What?

255
00:11:53,430 --> 00:11:54,310
Landing Bay!

256
00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:56,840
Okay, keep your 'air on,
I'm not deaf, am I?

257
00:11:57,710 --> 00:12:00,830
Has he interfered with the lift
some how and made it ruder?

258
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,480
Have a wonderful
onward journey.

259
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,200
And we look forward to
going down with you again soon.

260
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:08,500
How enchanting.

261
00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,000
How hot was that lift?

262
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,230
My diodes are
almost cooked!

263
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,770
Hey, look at my hair!

264
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,140
I've lost volume,
height, bounce!

265
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,150
No way am I putting up
with this.

266
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,070
A problem, Private Zero?

267
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:27,180
Rimmer, if you think
for one minute...

268
00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:30,520
Officers' Corridor?
What's this?!

269
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,330
Well Sir, the scutters
referbed the old tube tunnel.

270
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,570
See you at the end
of the corridor.

271
00:12:35,570 --> 00:12:37,010
Bon voyage!

272
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:44,960
His corridor has got
the best of everything!

273
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,160
Air con,
music?

274
00:12:47,990 --> 00:12:49,090
Look!

275
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,380
He doesn't even have to walk!

276
00:13:09,470 --> 00:13:11,680
Welcome aboard,
Captain Herring.

277
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,900
That's a hell of a
ceiling you've got, Rimmer.

278
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,870
The lattice work's stunning!

279
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,810
You're most kind, Sir.

280
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:21,250
Not massively important,
but this is our crew:

281
00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:22,930
Cat.

282
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,120
Ah.

283
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:24,990
Kryten.

284
00:13:24,990 --> 00:13:26,090
Uh-huh.

285
00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:28,340
And Third Technician, Lister.

286
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:31,000
Ahhh.
Is this Lister?

287
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,020
Ha-ha.

288
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:35,120
I can tell he's no good
just by feeling him.

289
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:37,040
I'm on to you, Lister.

290
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,480
Don't think I'm not.

291
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,840
Which reminds me, Rimmer,

292
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,880
I might have been a bit hasty
promoting you to officer.

293
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:47,190
I should have promoted you
to first lieutenant.

294
00:13:47,190 --> 00:13:48,390
And I have!

295
00:13:48,390 --> 00:13:49,800
Congratulations!

296
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,570
Thank you so much, Sir.

297
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,140
What's the situation with the Nautilus,
Flight Lieutenant?

298
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,740
Oh, that's me.

299
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:59,210
Uhm, the scutters are
unloading your cargo, Sir.

300
00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:01,360
The ship's done for,
I'm afraid.

301
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,840
Well, the cargo's
safe at least.

302
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,660
That means my mission's up.

303
00:14:09,790 --> 00:14:12,120
How are we going
to get him demoted now?

304
00:14:12,290 --> 00:14:13,390
How, indeed.

305
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,880
Huhm.

306
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:34,710
Yes, elegant.
Stylish.

307
00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:37,800
This'll suit me and my fellow officers
down to the ground, Kryten.

308
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,340
How are you coming along
with the bio-printer?

309
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:40,700
Ah.
I've repaired it, Sir.

310
00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:41,770
So soon?
How?

311
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,320
I gave it a good kicking!

312
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,990
I thought you didn't believe
in hitting machines.

313
00:14:46,990 --> 00:14:50,070
Oh, photocopies and printers
are an exception, Sir.

314
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:52,750
We're just waiting
for it to calibrate.

315
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:55,660
Good. And then we can start to
bio-print the Nautilus' crew?

316
00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:56,370
Indeed.

317
00:14:56,370 --> 00:14:57,370
Excellent.

318
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,720
I want to print out all those
who ranked below me,

319
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,960
regardless of job
or profession.

320
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,000
Shouldn't we speak
to Mr. Lister, Sir?

321
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,900
Kryten, bio-printing is an
officer-only privilege.

322
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:08,250
Decisions of
this magnitude

323
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:10,200
can't be left
to a lowly technician.

324
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:11,160
Uh, Sir.

325
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,660
Are you familiar
with the

326
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:15,160
Abraham Lincoln
quotation on power?

327
00:15:15,270 --> 00:15:16,630
Lincoln the president?

328
00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:18,260
He got assassinated
at the theater.

329
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:19,270
Indeed.

330
00:15:19,270 --> 00:15:21,390
I've never been a fan
of the theater, Kryten.

331
00:15:21,590 --> 00:15:22,800
My mother
used to take me

332
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,720
and some of the most
excruciating hours

333
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,640
of my life have been
spent there.

334
00:15:26,670 --> 00:15:28,120
Sometimes the
greater tragedy is

335
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,500
going to the theater
and NOT getting shot.

336
00:15:31,210 --> 00:15:32,190
You were saying.

337
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:33,610
Lincoln once said,

338
00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:35,970
If you want to test
a man's character,

339
00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:37,410
give him power.

340
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:38,650
And Officer Rimmer
once said

341
00:15:38,650 --> 00:15:40,060
if you want to
feel my boot

342
00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:41,060
up your recharge socket,

343
00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:42,160
keep talking.

344
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:51,240
So we can print out
any of these people?

345
00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,080
Yeah.

346
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:53,740
What about her?

347
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:55,970
A fitness ball lady

348
00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:57,540
in tight Lycra shorts.

349
00:15:58,060 --> 00:15:59,530
She can't demote anybody.

350
00:15:59,590 --> 00:16:00,560
So what if she can't?

351
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,200
I can see past that!

352
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:03,870
Sirs!

353
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:06,350
No! Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!
Go back! Go back! Go back!

354
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,700
That's you!!

355
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,340
That's me!

356
00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:10,840
How is that me?!

357
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,660
Your genome is in
the Nautilus' database?

358
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:14,590
D-what?

359
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:15,690
How?!

360
00:16:15,870 --> 00:16:16,980
Ah.

361
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:18,890
Ha.

362
00:16:19,860 --> 00:16:20,890
Ah.

363
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:22,180
Ha.

364
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,620
I think I might have
flogged it.

365
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,860
You flogged your genome?!

366
00:16:27,410 --> 00:16:28,920
Yeah, I was a kid
and my mate,

367
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,770
Dodgy offered me
100 dollar pounds

368
00:16:30,810 --> 00:16:32,780
and a half a packet
of fags for it.

369
00:16:32,870 --> 00:16:34,960
All you have to do is put
some saliva on a stick.

370
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,080
You sold the rights to
your unique haploid

371
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,680
set of chromosomes, Sir?

372
00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:41,640
You traded away the
map categorizing

373
00:16:41,650 --> 00:16:43,800
every detail  of
your genetic make up

374
00:16:43,950 --> 00:16:48,250
for 100 dollar pounds
and half a packet of fags?!

375
00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:54,490
You think he should have
held out for a whole pack?

376
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,620
Sir, this means someone else
holds the copyright to you.

377
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:01,500
You don't own yourself!

378
00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,050
What, like every time
I take a leak,

379
00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:04,540
I'm handling
stolen goods?

380
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:07,770
Look, we're 3 million years
into the big black.

381
00:17:07,770 --> 00:17:09,700
No one's coming out here.
Who cares?!

382
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,940
Exactly.
We're coooool!

383
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:15,030
Sir, I don't think you appreciate
what you've done!

384
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,610
Thousands of
different companies

385
00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:21,820
have taken out a license
to produce yous.

386
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:24,600
You're like writing software
that people can buy,

387
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:25,930
and then use as they like.

388
00:17:26,070 --> 00:17:27,740
What, and do what
they want with?

389
00:17:28,030 --> 00:17:29,130
Here's one.

390
00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:31,130
License 10 years.

391
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,750
3,000 Listers -

392
00:17:32,750 --> 00:17:36,910
Sandex Communication Listers,
to be used in call centers.

393
00:17:39,510 --> 00:17:40,570
Do you mean all those

394
00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:43,240
smart-ass scousers in the
call centers are me?!

395
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:46,900
I've had those Johnnies-

396
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,160
They're a pain in the backside!

397
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,350
They know nothing

398
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:51,000
and they sound like they
don't want to be there.

399
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,970
They don't, Sir.
They're you!

400
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,800
What have you done, Bud?!

401
00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:58,370
So Rimmer is going to
use this machine

402
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,450
to produce people
who will obey him.

403
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:01,810
Never being born

404
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,130
has got to be better
than a life like that.

405
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:06,280
We've got to wipe
the database, Kryten.

406
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,680
Delete it all.
Right now.

407
00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:09,020
I can't, Sir.

408
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,930
I have to print out a
new crew as instructed.

409
00:18:12,020 --> 00:18:13,990
Now Mr. Rimmer's our
flight lieutenant,

410
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,540
I can't refuse his orders!

411
00:18:15,540 --> 00:18:17,680
Well I'll do it.
Just tell me what to do!

412
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:18,470
Sir!

413
00:18:18,470 --> 00:18:20,320
If you think I'm going to

414
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,530
select all these files

415
00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:27,400
and then take my leave,

416
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,520
taking my leave,

417
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:32,140
so you can press
that button there,

418
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,340
you've got another
think coming!

419
00:18:41,890 --> 00:18:44,260
The entire database has
deleted itself?!

420
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,140
Check bio-printer.

421
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:48,510
This is going down on my
daily to-do list.

422
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:49,580
How?

423
00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:50,620
It's a mystery, Sir.

424
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:52,590
I bet Lister's behind this.

425
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,150
Isn't it possible
to print anyone?

426
00:18:54,150 --> 00:18:55,480
I need a crew to command!

427
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,820
Well, in theory it is possible

428
00:18:56,820 --> 00:19:00,180
to insert a piece of DNA
into the bio-printer

429
00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,750
and have it produce a genome,

430
00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:03,190
but who would we print?!

431
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,800
My mind's on file
in the holosuite,

432
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,080
And my DNAs on all
my old belongings.

433
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:09,440
With the remaining bio-ink,

434
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,420
we could produce
50 versions of me.

435
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:12,770
Make them all officers,

436
00:19:12,770 --> 00:19:14,860
so as flight lieutenant
I'm over them,

437
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:15,650
and then,

438
00:19:15,650 --> 00:19:18,950
we can have an officers' club
crammed full of Rimmers!

439
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:22,640
Sir, history tells us that
you and you is a very bad mix.

440
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,210
You and 50 yous
is beyond horrific!

441
00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:27,540
Not if I'm their
commanding officer.

442
00:19:27,540 --> 00:19:29,270
Then they'll do
what I want.

443
00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:31,500
Move the bio-printer to
one of the junk rooms

444
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:32,810
and double security!

445
00:19:32,980 --> 00:19:35,910
Things are about to get
a whole lot more Rimmery!

446
00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:44,400
You what?

447
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,540
Officers' Club?

448
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:49,500
Evening.
Evening.

449
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,250
Evening.
Evening.

450
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,500
Evening

451
00:19:52,670 --> 00:19:53,570
Evening.

452
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:54,190
Evening.

453
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:55,280
Where they come from?

454
00:19:55,290 --> 00:19:57,020
He's bio-printing Rimmers!

455
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,120
We've got to kill that damn machine
before he prints any more!

456
00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:19,180
Ah, gentlemen - welcome.
Do you have a reservation?

457
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,230
Where's the bio-printer, Rimmer?

458
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:23,670
Is it here,
'cause we're going in.

459
00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:26,780
I'm afraid I can't let you in
unless you're on the list.

460
00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:27,880
Let me see.

461
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:31,710
Stop screwin' around, Rimmer.

462
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,750
Have you moved
the bio-printer

463
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,540
to somewhere in the
Officers' Club?

464
00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:37,240
Sorry.
You don't appear to be here.

465
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,990
Rimmer. Party of two.
Eight thirty PM.

466
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,070
Come in.

467
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:42,220
How lovely
to see you again!

468
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:43,680
Nice to see you.

469
00:20:45,470 --> 00:20:47,100
How many did he print!?

470
00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:48,750
Rimmer party.

471
00:20:48,820 --> 00:20:50,510
Four?
Straight through.

472
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:52,700
Cloakroom's on the left.
Enjoy!

473
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:55,840
How many have you printed,
you Smeghead?!

474
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:58,130
You can't use
bio ink to print

475
00:20:58,130 --> 00:20:59,230
more Rims, Rimmer.

476
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:02,760
Yeah. We need that ink
to print proper people!

477
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:04,670
Hey, what the hell is this?!

478
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,780
We're the Barbershop Quartet!

479
00:21:06,980 --> 00:21:08,300
Any ID?

480
00:21:22,270 --> 00:21:24,690
Mr. Rimmer,

481
00:21:25,060 --> 00:21:27,350
We are what we seem,

482
00:21:27,360 --> 00:21:31,360
The cutest quartet
that you've ever seen.

483
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,580
We've got four mouths,

484
00:21:33,580 --> 00:21:35,540
a duet times two,

485
00:21:36,490 --> 00:21:40,280
this barbershop quartet
is singing for you!

486
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,820
That,
is entertainment.

487
00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:44,040
In ya go.

488
00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:45,600
I've had enough of
this tossing about.

489
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:46,550
Come on, we're going in.

490
00:21:46,550 --> 00:21:47,700
I've got the cravat!

491
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:48,540
Hey!

492
00:21:48,730 --> 00:21:49,830
Hey.

493
00:21:52,540 --> 00:21:54,060
Ah.
Hot towel, Sir?

494
00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:54,770
Move!

495
00:21:54,770 --> 00:21:56,130
Facial spray?

496
00:21:56,210 --> 00:21:57,080
Enough!

497
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,440
They've barged their way
into the Officers' Club

498
00:21:58,440 --> 00:21:59,630
and I need some bouncers.

499
00:21:59,630 --> 00:22:01,590
Print four more mes
and make them huge,

500
00:22:01,590 --> 00:22:02,430
muscly and brave.

501
00:22:02,430 --> 00:22:03,580
Can the bio-printer do that?

502
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:04,320
In theory, Sir.

503
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:07,280
Complimentary
Executive Corridor beverage, Sir?

504
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,650
Don't start!

505
00:22:11,260 --> 00:22:12,990
Adjustments made, Sir.

506
00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:17,880
Why isn't it printing?

507
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:21,230
Well, the new settings need
extra time to calibrate, Sir.

508
00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:23,470
We'll just have to be
a little bit patient.

509
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,120
I have been patient!

510
00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,170
What's wrong with it -
the damn thing!

511
00:22:29,170 --> 00:22:30,270
Come on!!

512
00:22:32,710 --> 00:22:34,470
Come on, come on,
come on!

513
00:22:35,010 --> 00:22:36,110
Last.

514
00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:42,810
The first one's got stuck.
We need a midwife!

515
00:22:42,810 --> 00:22:44,980
We'll have to
do it ourselves!

516
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,230
Pull, Kryten!

517
00:22:49,230 --> 00:22:50,770
Pull me.
Pull!

518
00:23:02,050 --> 00:23:04,080
What the hell
is that thing?!

519
00:23:08,180 --> 00:23:09,280
Come on!!

520
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:47,260
Officer's lift on floor 15, Sir!

521
00:23:47,260 --> 00:23:49,230
We've got to take the grunts!

522
00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:53,370
Get me out of here, pronto!

523
00:23:53,370 --> 00:23:54,970
I'm busy, okay?

524
00:23:55,010 --> 00:23:56,310
Just close the doors!

525
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,000
There's a deranged
version of me out there!

526
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,770
There's one in here, too.

527
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:03,140
I'll take the stairs, Sir.
We've got to tell the others!

528
00:24:08,050 --> 00:24:09,790
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!

529
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,920
Just close the doors, please!

530
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,240
Hold the lift!

531
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:15,340
Don't close!
Wait for me!

532
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,400
Officers quarters now!

533
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,950
Okay, keep your 'air on
I'm not deaf, am I?

534
00:24:28,490 --> 00:24:29,220
Right!

535
00:24:29,220 --> 00:24:31,050
I've rigged up
a monitor wirelessly

536
00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:32,620
from the CCTV footage.

537
00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:35,520
From this, we can see where
the Rimmer monster is

538
00:24:35,530 --> 00:24:36,960
and what it's doing.

539
00:24:39,810 --> 00:24:42,170
It's coming to the officers' deck!

540
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,260
Let me in!

541
00:24:50,260 --> 00:24:51,640
Are you on the list?

542
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,230
If you're name's not down,
you can't come in.

543
00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:54,250
Riffraff only.

544
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:55,470
I'm going to get absorbed!

545
00:24:55,470 --> 00:24:56,720
You're going to have to admit
you're a grunt.

546
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:57,600
Total grunt.

547
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,870
Your going to have to resign
your first lieutenant-ship.

548
00:24:59,870 --> 00:25:01,860
But I worked so hard for it!

549
00:25:01,860 --> 00:25:03,300
You did nothing!

550
00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:05,730
But I did it so well!!

551
00:25:07,910 --> 00:25:09,930
Okay, okay!
I resign!!

552
00:25:10,020 --> 00:25:11,930
Just let me in!

553
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:17,590
Stand back,
Technician 2.0

554
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,090
What is that thing?

555
00:25:22,090 --> 00:25:24,070
The human body is
built of cells.

556
00:25:24,070 --> 00:25:26,120
with specific
fixed rolls, Sir.

557
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,460
Stem cells,
on the other hand

558
00:25:27,460 --> 00:25:29,530
can become any other
type of cell.

559
00:25:29,650 --> 00:25:31,760
What, reprogrammable?

560
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:33,150
So when the
printer jammed

561
00:25:33,150 --> 00:25:35,610
and did a mash-up of all
the countless Rimmers,

562
00:25:35,610 --> 00:25:38,510
it didn't just combine the
sum of your parts physically,

563
00:25:38,510 --> 00:25:40,810
it amalgamated
all your faults.

564
00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:42,140
I've got faults?

565
00:25:42,550 --> 00:25:43,890
Your lust for power,

566
00:25:43,890 --> 00:25:45,980
your impatience,
your insecurity,

567
00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:48,350
your stupidity,
your greed,

568
00:25:48,350 --> 00:25:49,390
your arrogance,

569
00:25:49,390 --> 00:25:49,990
Yes - thank you, Kryten.

570
00:25:49,990 --> 00:25:51,590
and ordered
these stem cells

571
00:25:51,590 --> 00:25:54,540
to make a creature to
accommodate them all.

572
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:57,750
So how do we kill it?

573
00:25:57,750 --> 00:25:59,770
I have an idea, Sir.

574
00:25:59,770 --> 00:26:02,470
But it does involve
using you as bait.

575
00:26:03,430 --> 00:26:05,110
I love it already!

576
00:26:28,950 --> 00:26:30,960
We'll have to go the
long way around!

577
00:26:45,530 --> 00:26:46,810
We can't shoot!

578
00:26:46,810 --> 00:26:48,840
We might take out
Mr. Rimmer!

579
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,690
And the downside
of that is...?

580
00:26:51,830 --> 00:26:52,930
I've got it.
Hey!

581
00:26:53,170 --> 00:26:54,160
What are you doing?

582
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,850
We are going to absorb
the final Rimmer.

583
00:26:56,850 --> 00:26:57,740
Oh aye.

584
00:26:57,740 --> 00:26:58,990
Then what you
going to do?

585
00:26:58,990 --> 00:27:00,620
We haven't decided yet.

586
00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:03,030
What?
Do you not make a to-do list?

587
00:27:03,030 --> 00:27:05,400
We need to make
a to-do list?

588
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,230
You should always
make a to-do list!

589
00:27:08,250 --> 00:27:10,060
Have you got a pen?

590
00:27:10,070 --> 00:27:12,160
We always have a pen.

591
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,870
Well then,
write that list.

592
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,880
Oh, and don't forget
to put the last thing

593
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,200
you're going to be doing
on that list.

594
00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:27,440
What's that?

595
00:27:27,570 --> 00:27:29,640
Dying!!